Mentoring a New Homeschool Mom
Do you remember when you were a brand new homeschooler? Were you terrified, worried that you couldn't do it, that you might ruin your child's life? Did someone come along to encourage you in your pursuit of a quality education for your child? Or did you just wish someone would?
It's important for homeschooling parents to reach out to each other. We've taken on some of the toughest parenting tasks available, and it's sometimes a lonely choice as well. There are many new homeschoolers who need support and encouragement from those who have been there. Why not share your experience and skill as an unofficial mentor?
Woman to Woman: Preparing Yourself to Mentor by Edna Ellison and Tricia Scribner
This is a book about Christian mentoring, not homeschool mentoring, but learning to mentor in one field helps you mentor in any field.
The first step is to find someone to mentor. If you belong to a homeschooling support group, watch for the newcomers. Sometimes these groups are so solid that old-timers stick together, not meaning to leave the newcomers out, but simply forgetting to include them. Take them under your wing, answer their questions and share their experiences. Your group might even set up a formal mentoring program. These days, most church congregations have several homeschoolers. If someone in your congregation is just starting out, offer your help. Watch for neighbors and look around the public library. If you don't have time for serious mentoring, visit homeschool discussion boards and share your experiences there. Creating a homeschool web page is another indirect way of mentoring, but be prepared for large quantities of mail from those who want advice.
Mentoring can be more challenging than you might expect. It is important to remember that each homeschooler has the right to choose her own path. There are many ways to homeschool and most of them work. The parent you are mentoring may choose a path radically different from yours and you should be prepared to respect that and to help her follow her path, not yours. Offer advice when it is asked for and offer cheerleading whether it is asked for or not.
Cheerleading is the most important part of mentoring.
Most homeschoolers begin with a very structured program, usually a purchased curriculum done around the kitchen table on a tight schedule. Don't tease your beginner for that. That kind of structure and preplanned path is reassuring to one who is finding her way. She can learn to enjoy the company of her children and to work as a tutor without the complications of building a curriculum or figuring out the tricks of unschooling. Over time, she may choose to loosen her methods, or she may not. It doesn't really matter.
The first year of homeschooling is the hardest. It can be so discouraging and many parents give up by the end of the year. You can provide your greatest service simply by being there to listen. Let your friend pour out her sorrows and fears. Listen. Accept her right to feel however she feels. Don't say, "You shouldn't feel that way." She does feel that way. Listen, acknowledge her feelings, and then work to lead her to a more positive outlook. Ask her to tell you what is right about her teaching, what good or amusing things happened, what progress she might see. Ask her what is the most fun about homeschooling and what makes her feel successful. By gradually helping her to see what is going well, you can assist her in seeing that all is not as bleak as she has imagined.
Praise your friend liberally, "That activity you planned for teaching about the heart was so cute. You're really creative." "It seems to me that Jason is behaving better lately. You seem to be getting a handle on the discipline issue." "I think you handled that problem perfectly. What are you going to do next?"
When you're asked for advice, think carefully about what you offer. Remember that your friend is a beginner, and anything very complicated may be overwhelming. Help your friend break the problem into small steps. For instance, if your friend has a child who won't read, help her think of one small step to take. You might suggest she try alternating page reading with her child. Then, when that helps, suggest a second step. Suggesting ten things all at once is too much.
Finally, help her to realize that there is no such thing as a perfect homeschoolers. Share your mistakes, your failures, your fears. Let her know you had all those things...and survived. Homeschooling can succeed even through the most amazing mistakes. If you do nothing more than to show her that, you have been an amazing mentor.
